In my case all painting - and over time, the more it becomes so - is accident. So I foresee it in my mind I see things around as layers transcendental, surreal like past, present and future mix with each other and give a result as an invisible energy. Media transforms it itself. It always blurring, sensual, sometime with no words and visible contours other time it is annoyingly precise, solid and understandable but still hide a sense inside of it. In painting I use very large brushes and in the way I work I don’t in fact know very often what the paint will do, and it does many things which are very much better than I could make it do. In working with photos I do not mind about result, videos gives me a chance to catch a moment of vibration, digitally I can adjust sketches drawing physically multitude times and in the way I work I don’t in fact know very often what the paint will do, and does many things which are very much better than I could make it do.
I am trying to trap the fact, because after all, artist always were, are and will obsessed by life and by certain things that obsess them that I want to record. And I am trying to find systems and construct the cages in which these things can be caught.
The connection between Audre Laurde and my art is that expression and resource which I choose for my way of speaking through anger to discharge sexual energy it's always a way to say something, to react on events, to express myself through my art at this moment, at this place. The reason why I am using diverse media in my practice is also, the way to adapt to a current situation and catch a moment of happening at the second, to catch the importance, sensuality, vulnerability and uniqueness of the reality in engagement with me at this second. She writes about ways how erotic can work like a way how a body stretches to music and opens into response, hearkening to its deepest rhythms. Basically, to rely on my reflections art is a way to see things and feel them on a deeper level, to notice the tiniest vibration of life around, to move with nature, to express myself as an animal through paintings, dance or yoga.
That self-connection shared is a measure of the joy which I know myself to be capable of feeling, a reminder of my capacity for feeling. And that deep and irreplaceable knowledge of my capacity for joy comes to demand from all of my life that it be lived within the knowledge that such satisfaction is possible, and does not have to be called marriage, nor god, nor an afterlife.
That sense seems interesting to me for consideration from the side of cells in my practice. Cells might be a projection of responsibility or a grave of responsibility within our lives. On the other hand, our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinise all aspects of our existence, forcing us to evaluate those aspects honestly in terms of their relative meaning within our lives.
The first time when I caught myself that I draw cells or film spaces which remind diverse of barriers. I did not realise why I have been doing this but now when I looked at these materials through time I thought about it seriously. I am talking a lot about sexuality and fears and I do believe that the range of these facts impacts on one each other from my personal experience. For me cells is not the same as a cage it is more about an asylum where you feel secure. Although this security might be very misleading in fact that a man always tends to hide from reality or from an inner voice and make a decision for the benefit of logical and ethical aspect. On the other hand, the cell can be a place of own security like a human body can be considered as a chamber of secrets. Interesting, that the cage might have variety of reverse meanings such as feelings of fragility, defencelessness, loneliness or isolation although in parallel this place of meditation, focused on deep understanding and reflection of oneself through array of practice: learning, creation, silence, listening and so on.
I was really hooked of Louise Bourgeois thoughts about cells: "Each cell deals with a fear. Fear is pain... each cell deals with the pleasure of the voyeur, the thrill of looking and being looked at."
I consider this sentence from the side of sensual context and desire to get out from the cage although at the same time because of personal fears and social attitudes. The cell keeps a man inside what might force him to find ways for expressing pain through the anger, varieties of violence or cultivation of sexual energy and expression it in a way of constructive or creative reflections. I like an idea to be seen by someone it is also about pleasure and sex. I see something perverse in this, also, through those expressions a human being shows the real face of oneself with desires, fantasies and strength to control emotions but at the same time to be brave enough showing personal imperfection.
Sketch from the sketchbook
Watercolour, black ink, pen
A symbol or a metaphorical image means a lot in my practice. I capture inspiration and ideas from everyday life. Later, I sort them out from dozen photographs, notes, sketches, books or videos. Usually, I do things unconsciously it is a kind of allowing your passionate, animal nature to lead you up which gives pretty interesting unexpected result. An image of a rabbit appeared in my practice also subconsciously like an impulsive reaction on the event when I was in Russia. For a second I felt myself as a rabbit who was locked in a cell without right to choose. Hares are often associated with birth and resurrection. They are born, live and die within a short time, in line with the seasons, making them an ideal visual nod to the theme of mortality in art. Their rapid breading rate also implies fertility and sensuality, yet as a prey animal, rabbits simultaneously indicate innocence and love. In Judaism rabbits as a symbol of the Diaspora. Diaspora for me it's a kind of necessity belonging to a cultural group, a tribe, a family or religion like a solid social chain which gives a feeling of stability and illusory (assumptive) order. Also, Diaspora may impacts on a upbringing of a man forming his identity through the religious, social aspect, values and so on. It forms everything patterns of behaviour, habits and attachment to traditions.